Three Short Fan Fictions That Make No Sense

One: Hansel and Gretel

“Gretel, when do you think we will be able to get home?” Hansel asked. 

Gretel said nothing, following the path. 

“When we get home, we will have a parade!” Hansel sang, following Gretel. “And then we’ll have a feast in my celebration, with Cinderella! Cinderella, of all people. I can’t wait!” 

They were nearing a cliff in the mountain, with a bridge crossing to the other side. 

“Well, Gretel, what about you? Are you excited?

“No!” Gretel said, in an annoyed tone. “I am not excited!”

Hansel looked appalled. “What? Why not?”

And after that, Gretel pushed Hansel off the cliff. She could only see his terrified face falling down the edge as he took his last breaths.


The Trial

“We are here on this fine day to discuss this young woman’s crimes. How do you plead?” Gretel looked around nervously. There was an entire court there, plus the guards, and the judge. She was planted on the spot. She knew that it was her fault that brought this, after all she was the one who killed her brother. However, the reason why was the fact that it was always “Hansel and Gretel.” She wanted to just be “Gretel,” a normal, Friendly girl who lived a normal life. Not a hero who killed a witch. Also, Hansel claimed all the work when Gretel had actually killed the witch and helped him. He just stuck around, lazy. Heck, she wouldn’t have saved him if she had known this side of him!  As she pondered, the judge grew impatient. “Speak!” he said. Gretel thought so frantically that she said, “Guilty, your honor,” without a second thought. As she thought about it, she knew it was the right thing. That was the only place she could just be herself. Just Gretel. Just Gretel in a cell, for life. She could not think of anything better than that ending to her life. 


The Witch

Esmeralda Shadow Witch had no eyesight. She wasn’t like the snow queen, who cried/froze out her own eyes, but she had been born with them. However, everyone knows that eating children cures blindness. Maybe she could do that!  Then, she would not be blind. So Esmerelda built a candy house. She conjured up enough strawberry shortcake to feed an army, and used frozen candy for the windows. She fashioned candy plants with brownie dirt. Then, she conjured up a cage above a fire. She made a bed in another room, so she would not look so suspicious.  She then made sure that her eagle would show the first child they found to her home. She settled into her couch, knowing that once a child came, she would have her eyesight back, once and for all.

Finally, one came. She had waited for days. Esmerelda had found not one child-but two! It was easy. They looked like starved children, and when they saw her candy house, their mouths watered. They wolfed down on the strawberry shortcake, and ate their way through the delicate fondant that made the flowers. At last, Esmerelda invited them inside for a proper meal, and they gladly agreed. She slammed down the cage on the both of them, and started cooking. The girl begged her, “Please, don’t eat us! We are skinny, and you won’t get any notorious value from us! I can help you fatten him up, but let me out!” 

Esmerelda pondered this. “Very well,” she said. “I will let you out if you help me.”

The witch opened the cage, and the girl stumbled out. She then slammed the cage shut, and locked it again. “Now, help me cook. Make him stuff!” So the girl cooked, and cooked, and the witch told him to stick his finger out of the cage. “Impossible! How could you be this skinny?! Girl, cook more!” She cooked more, and felt his finger, and cooked more, and felt his finger. By now, she was growing impatient. She decided to kill the girl, and continue. While she was cooking a pie, she asked the girl to feel if the oven was hot enough by crawling inside it. The girl, however, was very smart. She shoved Poor Esmerelda inside the oven, and raced to free her brother. Then  they walked home as heroes, and Esmerelda died.


Two: A random Cross Between Two Fairytale-Jumpers

Jonah! I told you not to go in the mirror, What do we do now?” Said Abby “We have no idea what fairytale we are in!”

“Sorry, Abby!” Jonah said, sheepishly. “You looked like you needed a trip to a fairy tale.”

It was true, Abby needed to go there. She had just been turned down by Robin to go to her party. She had sulked the night through.

“Then let’s find out which fairytale we are in. Do you have a watch? We could figure out the time. Mom and Dad can’t figure it out again!”
Suddenly, Abby heard voices. She pulled Jonah into a bush, and they sat still. 

“Conner,  I was going to just look into the book, not go inside it! If you had just knocked, then we wouldn’t be here!” 

Abby gestured for Jonah to follow her. “Hey! Who are you?” She said. 

The other children looked scared. Finally, the boy “Conner” Pushed the girl over. She stumbled, and regained balance. Abby creeped a bit forward and repeated, “Who are you?”

Finally, the girl spoke. “I’m Alex, and this is Conner. Who are you?”

“I am Abby, this is Jonah.”

Suddenly,  They all heard a noise. Alex and Conner froze, while Abby pulled Jonah behind a bush and waited. Seconds later, A giant frog came out of nowhere. It had green skin, big green webbed feet, and every characteristic a frog had, except it was a giant. Maybe six feet tall. 

Alex and Conner quivered under it. They talked for a while, but Abby did  not hear. She did not even blink when they left with the frog. She was trying to comprehend  what story they were in. 

“Allright,” she said finally. “Let’s just go home.”

“But how do we do that?” Jonah asked. 

“I don’t know. Let’s just follow them.”

And so they set off, carefully avoiding them. After a while, they reached a small hill. The giant frog led them to it, brushed some vines out, and revealed a hidden small home. Abby and Jonah followed them cautiously, and when it came to a trapdoor with a latch, she motioned for Jonah to stay. “Stay here, I’ll go see what is happening,” she said, and opened the hat.


The End

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