The Dangers of Walking Through Random Portals

I felt like I had just stepped out of a portal and, knowing my luck, I probably had.

“Great,” I muttered with more than a little sarcasm. “Just great.”

I take in my surroundings and to my horror, find that there are no McDonalds in sight. Instead I am engulfed by trees, with no electricity lines or iPads in sight. Lovely.

Well, as my mother always said, “Enjoy the wilderness while you can. Soon there will be none left.” Then again, she also said—

“Help! Help! Can anyone help me?” 

A strange voice cut cleanly through my thoughts, though it sounded oddly like it was being faked.

“Ughhh,” I muttered, knowing even as I whined that I was going to have to save her. Or him. Or it.

“Please, someone help!”

The voice was growing more urgent, but it was hard to tell when it sounded so weird.

I followed the various cries of “help” and “save me” to a small clearing in the woods with a small pond in its center. A kid or teenager had his head lowered but did not seem to be flailing or in any apparent danger. In fact, he was just standing in the water, arms hanging limply at his side, head down, staring into the murky water.

“Tricked you!”

That shrill voice I had always dreaded surprised me so much that I couldn’t speak. I only muttered, “Wh-wh-wha-aa-a-a…?”

It was my archenemy, Bobby. He raised his dreaded cell phone that had slain so many people’s reputations. I noticed his hand drift toward his camera, so I turned and ran, screaming, “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” all along the way.

As it turned out, I did have a voice and a very loud one at that.

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