| Robert |
Zeus |
| My brother is an ass. He always finds ways to ruin my life, like this past winter, when he pushed me into a pile of mud, and then made me slip on black ice by purposely bumping into me on our way home from school. I really can’t remember the last time I tried to ruin his life in ANY way. Oh and also, that saying that at the end of the day you still love your sibling doesn’t apply to me. |
To be completely honest, I don’t think I’m ruining my brother’s life. The only time I can accept being called harsh is when I pushed him in a pile of mud on a freezing cold winter day. But it didn’t look like it affected him very much, since he just walked it off. I don’t know what his deal is, cuz I’m a good brother and he lives in a good family. So whatever is pissing him off is his problem, not mine. |
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So my brother always spends some time writing in a journal, or as some would say, a diary, and he already left for school so I’m gonna go look at what he’s been writing about. Holy crap! He’s Bisexual! I wonder why he didn’t tell me? I gotta get to school, but at lunch I’m definitely gonna talk to him about it. |
| So my brother doesn’t seem to be ending his legacy of bullying me, especially since he went through my JOURNAL and found out I’m bi. He later came up to me at lunch with his friends close behind him and we talked, and word spread. Like wildfire. I’m afraid to tell anyone about how I feel about my brother because I feel like it’s going to make him more mad and have a greater temptation to do worse than what he is currently doing. So for now I’m just gonna keep quiet. |
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| Zeus just walked in, pondered on whether or not he was going to say something, then decided to walk out. I don’t love him. And that’s that. If he didn’t mess around with me as much, I may have actually loved him a little bit more. But he can’t seem to realize that his “messing around” is actually killing me slowly. If he thinks I’m depressed, he’s right (for the first time is 13 years). The only other time he was ever right was when he guessed the gender of my mom’s next child (me) to be a male. |
Um ok so I can’t really understand why exactly my brother is so depressed these days. He hasn’t really spoken to me in a couple of days, and I’m kinda wondering if everything is okay. But I have more important things to worry about, like schoolwork and whether or not my girlfriend still likes our relationship together. |
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At least this time I actually have a reason to make fun of my brother. He’s being a dorky ass dork. Writing in a diary about how his day went. So childish. |
| It’s the next day, and I have to wake up at 6:30 AM in order to get out of the house in time to go to school. I’m in the 8th grade, while my brother Zeus is a sophomore in high school. Luckily, we go to the same school, but different buildings. And my school day starts a bit later than his, so even though I leave earlier than him, I can still brag about not having to go to school until later. |
Waking up is always one of the biggest pains in my ass. Another pain in my ass is having to see my teachers early in the morning. But it is what it is. You gotta do what you gotta do. |
| He does this every goddamn morning. |
As I walked down the stairs in my school uniform, I saw my brother at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. As I passed him, I ruffled his hair a bit, as if to say good morning. |
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As I reached for the cereal in the pantry, Robert got up from the table with his bowl and put it in the sink. He then proceeded to walk up the stairs to his room. He quietly shut the door. I keep wondering why he never talks to me. |
| After I finished breakfast, I got dressed for school. Zeus always takes his time with these kinds of things. Unless he’s meeting his girlfriend to go on a date or something like that. |
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I finished my cereal, and put my bowl in the sink. I gathered my stuff for school, said adios to the family, then left. |
| I wonder why Zeus left so early today? But really for all I care, I don’t. Although, I should really get going myself. I threw my backpack over my shoulder, and walked out the door. And there Zeus was. Just waiting to scare me. |
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| Ok so I didn’t think I would ACTUALLY get scared. I’m used to it most of the time. But he never does this so I’m not actually very used to it. Ugh he’s probably just gonna keep doing this and make my life worse. Better get to school. |
I totally spooked him. |
| The bell for first period rang, notifying me that I need to get my stuff together and go to class on time. As I was gathering my things, some random kid in the hallway pushed me, causing me to hit my head on the hinge of my opened locker. It hurt. A note was next to me as well. It read, “GAY” in all caps. I hung it up in my locker, and also in the back of my mind. |
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| Throughout my first morning classes, I thought about why people had to be so extra about my sexuality. Like why is it such a big deal?? Why can’t I just be myself?I hate my brother for it. |
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| The following period, lunch, was peaceful, and thankfully my brother didn’t interrupt me. I sat alone, eating a roast beef sandwich with lettuce and tomato on a brioche bun. While I ate, I began to think about what my brother’s actions would lead to. For me, well I wouldn’t talk about it, but it would probably lead to me hurting myself. Either mentally, physically, or emotionally. I don’t really care how. But as for my brother… well it would probably lead to a lot of guilt and hopefully a change of thought. I thought the rest of that period about it. |
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| The afternoon periods of the day were worse than the morning. I was given more shit for my sexuality, and people here and there would call me gay as if it was a sin. So I made a plan. First, I would go to the art room before school is over and grab a long strip of the thick rope our teachers use to hang up large projects. Right when school ends, I’ll go to the garden path to the left of our school building and find a tree about 5 feet aside the path. I’ll tie the noose around the tree branch, and drop my backpack on the path, so if anyone is looking for me they get a little hint. But I doubt anyone will look for me anyway. I picked a tree that had branches pretty far apart from each other, and the branch I chose was about 2 feet from the root closest to the ground. |
As I was walking, I saw Robert in the hallway and thought, “My Brother doesn’t look so good. Kinda zombie like. Depressed, almost. I wonder if someone is bullying him.” |
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I got a text from mom saying she wants us home for dinner soon, and Robert wasn’t home yet, so I had to look for him. I assumed he was still at school doing something nerdy, like always. He was nowhere to be seen. I checked outside. ROBERT!!! HURRY UP MOM WANTS US HOME FOR DINNER SOON! Robert? Where are you? BRO. Stop playing games with me, Rob. I know I play with you like this a lot sometimes but now is not the time for payback. Oh Robert… you are really bad at this huh? I SEE YOUR BACKPACK! Dummy. No but seriously lets g– ROBERT DONT DO IT PLEASE IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING!!! DON’T STEP DOWN FROM THAT ROOT, ROBERT! please. |
| I looked over at him and gave him a stare. This was all his fault. There’s no going back now. I released my grasp from the branch. |
He didn’t listen. |
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I stood there, panicked and frozen. My brother’s body was limp. His face was a mix of blue, purple, and pale. Then, I heard a crack, fearing it was his neck popping. It was the tree branch the noose was tied to. It was breaking. I reached for my phone and called the cops, fearing for my brother’s life. I told them all of what they needed to know; where I am, what my brother is currently trying to do and how I need a medic for both him and me, because I might faint. They said they’d be there in a minute, and I hoped it would only take them 30 seconds. I ran over to Rob, untied the noose from around his neck and carried his almost completely dead body to where our backpacks were. |
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I was never taught CPR, so I just sat there on my knees, whispering and praying he would wake up, or at least regain a bit of consciousness. And that’s when I realized… He wasn’t breathing. I heard sirens in the background, and I began to cry. 4 police cars pulled up, along with 2 ambulances. They rushed over to me and my brother. They asked me a million questions once we were in our separate ambulances. My answers were almost inaudible due to my tears. When we arrived at the hospital, I was slowly escorted out of the ambulance, but I wanted to go faster. I need to be with Robert. |
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Once we got to the area where he would be taken care of, I grabbed my phone from my pocket. My mom texted me 3 times. I responded with a call. All I could hear on the other end was dad opening the door and starting the car, and mom weeping. Now I had to wait. |
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It was painful. |
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My parents burst into the room, tense. I sat on the far side of the room, right next to my brother, head down, tears slowly streaming down my face. Other than my mother’s unstable breathing, you could hear my brother’s heartbeat. |
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He was alive. |
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I was relieved, but he isn’t awake yet. The nurse in our room was explaining what happened to my parents, so I didn’t have to suffer through remembering the moment again. |
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I asked the nurse if it was okay to hold his hand. She nodded. I held it, and wouldn’t release it until he woke up. |
