By: Diego Benitez
View all Diego Benitez's works
The town library was quiet but outside there were all kinds of people going about their day, old, young, rich, poor, fat, thin, pretty, ugly, plain, exciting, and weird. There were cars honking and conversations, and yelling and all sorts of noise but James heard nothing. He was completely lost in his book that was a manual called, HOW TO FLY, and it was not about planes, helicopters or hang gliders or birds, it was about magic. “Sorry Ms. Humdinger!” said James.
“It’s ok,” Ms. Humdinger said with a sigh. “Goodbye, I appreciate your business here at the library,” she said.
James started walking home. Maybe that’s why I don’t have any friends. Because I’m so forgetful, James thought.
When James reached home, there was a cat at his door. A talking cat, to be exact. A cat James didn’t have, to be exacter. It had gray and white stripes and a wizard hat on its head.
“Ummmm…” James said.
“Hello, I am Sir Higgenns Tuna Fish Litter Box Mouse Meow Squeak Squwak Quack Duck Cow Says Moo What Does the Fox Say Sheep Says Cheep Moo Says Choo Choooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof the 999th,” the cat said in a Southern accent.
“Ummmmm…. WHY ARE YOU HERE!?!?!” James yelled.
“I am here to warn you about the big cracker that is falling from space and will knock into Earth and destroy it completely except for the town of Lazaro.” Sir Higgenns said.
“Is Lazaro a real place?” James asked. “No, so Earth will be completely destroyed.” Sir Higgenns answered. “But why are YOU telling ME this?” James yelled again.
“I’m telling YOU because YOU have the Jade Key that can save the world,” Sir Higgenns said.
“You mean the key to my apartment?” James asked.
“Apartment, World, whatever,” Sir Higgenns replied.
“This is why I should have had Music Class today. To get out of this huge mess.” said James, with hairballs stuck all over his shoes.
Suddenly, disco-colored lasers started exploding out of Sir Higgenns’ body.
KABLOOSHKABOOOOOOOOOOMpoof! went Sir Higgenns.
“Finally! I can enter my apartment!” James said. He went to get a donut from his kitchen. The cat was there. “Is this Earth or is this Alpha Centauri?” James asked.
“The world is 21 minutes from exploding, you know that, right?” Sir Higgenns asked.
“No, I don’t know that Sir Higgenns Tuna Fish Litter Box Mouse Meow Squeak Squawk Quack I DON’T CARE The 1st,” replied James.
“Well now you do know it, so hurry up and play dogelephant.io and use the key!” Sir Higgenns yelled.
“What is dogelephant.io?” asked James.
Sir Higgenns gasped. “The one and only!” he replied. Then, he vanished.
“No way to find out except to search it up!” James said.
James didn’t know it, but he only had 10 minutes left until the world exploded. “This isn’t even a thing!” James yelled as the computer went to Yahoo.com and said “Search for: Elephant Dog costume?”
“What was that?” James asked. He went to the window and looked outside. Everything was grey and brown.
“Sir Higgenns, how did you get on there?” James asked as he saw a big billboard that said WATCH YOUR APARTMENT KEYS OR I WILL ANNOY YOU! With a cat emoji next to it and Sir Higgenns behind the text.
James didn’t notice it (two things James didn’t notice in one day — he must need to get glasses), but all the stores on his block had changed their names to “I’M WATCHING YOU!”
“Weird,” James thought.
“Well, looks like the end is near,” said a voice behind James.
A voice that wasn’t Sir Higgenns. Weirder. And was a cat voice. Weird times three!
“Hello, I am High Captain Cat Food I like Cats on a Leash Jeffoooooooooooooooof!” the voice said in a French accent.
The cat had red and blue-colored stripes and a hat like people wear at graduations.
“Is there something going on with the long names? Like, a trend or something?” James asked.
High Captain Cat just stared. “Haven’t you seen the signs of the end?”
“No, have you? Because all I’ve seen is Sir Higgenns on a billboard outside my window!” James replied.
“Ok then, you are blind,” High Captain Cat replied. “Look outside your window again,” Then he left with a KABLOOSHKABOOMPOOFKABOOEY!
James looked outside his window again, as High Captain Cat said to do. Now, there were rockets that were flying up into space everywhere. “Where in the world did these rockets come from?” James asked. “They weren’t there a second ago! Also, there are no space stations or space ANYTHING in this town, neighborhood, city, the next city over, the city next to that, or state!”
“Someplace that had people that had glasses. We told you to use the Jade Key. But you didn’t,” Sir Higgenns and High Captain Cat said in unison.
“I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO USE IT ON ANNNNNNDDDDD YOU DIDN’T TELL ME IF THERE WAS A DIFFERENT JADE KEY THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO USE OR SOMETHING ELSE LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” James said.
“Apartment. A·part·ment North American. Noun. A suite of rooms forming one residence, typically in a building containing a number of these**,” Sir Higgenns and High Captain Cat said in unison again.
And then the world exploded, knocking the moon off its orbit, and doing something else that would cause a chain reaction with something which I don’t know, so The End! (not)
Everybody on Earth died except for all the cats. Sir Higgenns and High Captain Cat teleported to Catopia, far, far, away, and James became Jack Cat OOOF SIR CAPTAIN Higgenns CATSUPAKABLLLOEEY C.a.T% Tac-Cat Cat Cat Meow Boom Boom elgoog Cat.
P.S.** Definition taken from Google.